How to Deal with a Copycat
“Many say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but anyone who has dealt with a copycat knows that it’s much more than that…” is the leading statement from this article. I have had to deal with this situation this past year, so I thought I would share a few links on the subject, as well as my own experiences.
First off, as this article points out, just because you see a similarity between yourself and another does not necessarily mean they are “copycating” you. The article gives a few pointers on making sure that is indeed the case. I hadn’t read this article, but I was pretty sure it was what I was dealing with. I went to a friend with my woes, and she expressed that she knew exactly what I was going through. Growing up, her younger sister had routinely copied her hairstyle, her clothing choices, and even started hanging out with “her” friends, etc. Now, one may think to possibly expect this from siblings (especially from younger to older), but it in no way diminishes what the person being ‘copied’ feels. And, perhaps younger people are more likely to imitate others as they grow to find out who they are and what makes them unique. Perhaps not, I don’t know the statistics. I recall that if one person showed up at school with a red polo shirt and black and white designer sneakers, the next week there was a sea of red polos and black and white sneakers to be found.
There are many reasons that a person chooses to imitate another. It may just be that they simply admire and look up to you. Friends often talk about that person in their circle who “has so much style, pizzazz,” or whatever. I felt that what I was dealing with, though, was a person who imitated more out of competitiveness versus admiration. In this case, the underlying motives are not about pleasant feelings that they may have toward you, so it can be quite an uncomfortable thing.
Here is another informative link on How to Cope with Competitive People. Being competitive is not a bad thing in and of itself. A competitive nature has obviously lead to many a great invention and such. Copying someone else’s personal style, etc., can be frustrating enough, but many people have their work copied by a competitive type of person. I have too often heard friends and acquaintances talk about a co-worker who takes their ideas and presents them to the boss as their own. Or, the co-worker constantly uses their ideas as ‘inspiration’ for something that will profit them.
So, what to do if this happens to you? One more link: How to Get a Friend to Stop Copying You. What did I do? Well, the first decision I made (and it was a hard one) was to stop communicating with the person as much as possible without being rude. I made a choice to be hospitable if I had to deal with them, but I stopped actively inviting them into my life and space. Then, (and this was more for my peace of mind), I started to think about all of the things that make me ‘me’ — the things that distinguish me from other people. I cannot tell you how doing that one little thing lifted the feeling of uncomfortableness from me. Good ending — I am presently no longer in the position of having to deal with the person except on the rare occasion.
I haven’t read anything about it (and I’m not an expert), but what should you do if you find that you are being a “copycat” or you repeatedly take your ideas or inspiration from the same one or two people? This could be challenging because perhaps you do not even realize you are doing it. So, you might take an inventory of yourself. I have one friend who I would absolutely love to copy a ton of things from, and I have copied a couple. Perhaps, if you find that you are drawn to a particular person’s work style, hairstyle/color, wardrobe, anything, you might point it out to them with a compliment like, “Those are the cutest boots I have ever seen! I have to go out and get a pair.” That way, the person will know you appreciate something they have, and will not be so shocked (or possibly miffed) when you show up to work in the exact same pair of boots, or whatever. (Not that you should do that with everything they have, you understand, lol.) Or, say you make a work presentation that was largely inspired by someone else’s ideas. You could convey that to your work team before you present it. If you find that you are imitating or taking your inspiration from the same few people out of a need to compete (in a ‘not good’ way), perhaps you might do what I did (sort of in the reverse, I guess)…take time to think about the things that make you unique and your gifts and talents. If you focus on those, I think you will realize what can come out of that is far greater than what could be imitated. Those are just a few of my thoughts.
I hope these links will be of some use to anyone going through similar circumstances!
La Cashionista 